I'm not exactly sure how to start this. There are so many thoughts going through my mind right now, and I'm trying to see through the tears as well. First I have to say that this was unfortunately one of the worst Mondays I've had in a long time....actually, my Mondays are usually not that bad. The day at work ended about 14 hrs after it began, so it's been very exhausting, both physically and mentally. I guess I need to start by telling what I do for a living, for the time being, so you'll see where this is going. I'm currently managing a animal boarding kennel (no breeding, only boarding) and have been in this current position since August of last year, though I started in the year 2006 and then moved to the humane association of nashville, but continued to work here part time. I've loved animals ever since I can remember and always dreamed of being a vet some day. Well, I did good to make it through high school, so the thought of an ongoing trip in and out of colleges and universities was simply out of the question. That and financial reasons, just simply wouldn't allow it. After all, I had street sense and common sense, not much book sense at all..lol. I've always learned quicker one on one and with hands on experience and was just appalled at the idea of going to school for years to come. Anyway, today started off good, as most of them usually do, but by late afternoon, it had gone downhill fairly quick. Phones ringing off the hook, dogs wanted to be walked and played with, and a growing pile of paperwork to be finished, shots to be verified on upcoming reservations, and I forgot my lunch, so by 4 p.m, I was watching the clock. I took a trip out through the kennel runs to check on food and water and I noticed one of regulars did not come running up to the kennel gate when I walked through. I immediately knew something was wrong. Now this was a boxer who has probably had 9 lives like a cat and she has overcome many obstacles to live as long as she has. She turns 12 this year...yes, 12. Practically unheard of, but it does happen. She's had cancer of the foot, diabetes, foot surgery, and other problems but has over come them all. Today, I had a terrible feeling in my gut...that this might be it. I had to walk around to the outside of the run and go in through a back gate to get to this dog. She would not get up for nothing. It was not majorly hot out and she was in a spot where there was shade and it felt great, so heatstroke was not an issue. As soon as I walked up to her, I saw a puddle of "this mornings food" and she had brought it back up, so I knew she wasn't feeling good at all. I tried to get her stand and she could not use her back legs at all. This dog weighs right around 70 lbs and I was at the kennel alone and there was only one thing for me to do. Yes, I had to pick her up. Just about lost my back, but when you're in a hurry and trying to do whatever you can to help an animal, you just don't think about things like that. It was a long trip around the building and to my car and I had to get a blanket as well for the ride to the vet, which in 5 pm traffic, took me almost 30 mins to make a trip that normally only takes 15. My girl was responsive and alert, but I could tell she was in pain, so I wanted to get her there in a hurry. They closed at 6, so I had to go around to the back and was let in. They carried this dog away to the treatment room right away and I was promptly told I could call in the morning to check on her. Little do they know, I will not call on the phone....I will be waiting right outside their door. This dog is like part of my family, as they all are, and the owner was out of town, and I was not about to let her go through this alone. I have to say that I'm not bragging or anything here, this is just how I am and anyone that knows me, can tell you that. In my life my animals come first. They have no one else...they can not speak a language that most understand...and most people can't relate anyway.
When I was little, I had stuffed animals...I watched animal shows on tv....I brought home every stray I saw or could find. I probably could have started my own sanctuary at one point. Once I brought home a sheltie that was blind in one eye because I thought it was the most gorgeous thing ever. Another time I brought home a very expecting cat who just happened to have kittens over-night on top of the clothes dryer, where my Mom had just folded and laid a bed comforter on top....brand new. She was not happy..lol. I've always had animals except for the short times that I've lived in apartments or back in with my parents for awhile to help care for my mom who was sick and disabled at the time. I just don't feel totally happy or at peace unless I'm around animals. Most people would prefer to work with and be around people all day. Not me. Hmm, this could explain why my only marriage lasted less than 3 years. Anyway, I've worked with and been around dogs and cats, all kinds of personalities, all sizes and breeds, and have learned more from them alone then I could have stuck in a classroom somewhere with my nose in a book. I worked a 9 to 5, well really 8 to 4, desk job for almost 6 years and it was the most stressful thing I've ever had to do and to this day swear I won't ever work a desk job again. You have to love animals a whole lot in order to do what I do. The pay really isn't good at all, the hours suck and yes, you work a lot of holidays and weekends. The dogs or cats don't quit eating or "relieving" themselves just because it's Friday or a holiday. They still have to be fed and cleaned up after, socialized with and walked and exercised. You have to take care of them when they're sick, just like you would one of your own children, which means sometimes being up all night with no sleep, and then trips to the vet if needed. Sometimes you have to hold them and let them know that it's going to be okay, while they're laying there with a needle in their leg calming them down, relaxing them, so they can be put to sleep and ending their sickness or just because they've gotten to old to function anymore. I've done this more times than I care to mention and probably will again before the week is up. I really believe this is the end, or very close to it, for my girl at the kennel. I've known this dog for over 3 years and I've never seen her like I did today...my heart just ached and I literally cried all the way to the vets office and on the way back. You know it has to happen and it's going to happen, but that does in no way stop it from hurting any less. I've cried more over animals that I've known and taken care of, than I have over human beings that I have actually been close to. I rarely cry at funerals (exception: my mom, dad, and brother), but I can lose it over my four legged friends.
Yes it hurts more than words can say and I don't even try to understand it. But this is one dog that has lived one awesome life and she has shared her life with another dog who I know will be totally lost without her. As of this writing I still don't know the outcome and won't know until tomorrow, but my feeling is that it will not be good news. Yes, the day goes on, life goes on, but the memories and the pictures will live on forever with me. All the hugs, tail wags, the doggie kisses and days spent just spending time in each others company, will live on. She may cross over to that famous Rainbow Bridge , but she will again run and play with so many that have gone on before her....both purposely and needlessly. All the joy she brought to her owners and all the happy times she spent with me...no one can take that away. This is what I do.
